Just a Six Legged Man Juggling Naked In Times Square

There Is Light At Tunnel's End

In just 37 days another year passes into the record books, 52 days after that the birthday clock ticks off another year in my own life as I move from 56 to 57, one step closer to wherever it is that life and eternity is taking me.  Almost two months ago, perhaps by accident or maybe by design I found myself at a juncture where life was screaming loudly, "It is time for a change".  Voices are often easy to ignore, or at least give only a half an ear to whatever it is they are saying, even when what they are saying we already know is true.   For whatever reason...providence?...I heard the voice, realized that something had to give, that something had to change, that my life needed a new direction.

 

Change is not easy, and does not happen overnight, and the process/journey of that change suddenly sees you having your feet not so firmly planted in not just one, but two, three even six different worlds, grappling with a simple fact...change often times requires giving up things, things that you perhaps love, are comfortable with...even if some of those things are not good for you, emotionally, mentally or physically. 

 

I like to eat...too much at times, but the huge Budda Belly hanging over my ever expanding waist, was not a healthy byproduct of that eating.  I don't drink a lot, but probably being honest like it more than I should.  A great bottle of wine with dinner, a few drinks with friends while listening to music at an Open Mic night in the bar across the street.  Cannot say I like smoking, its a habit, one that gives me some comfort in bad times, something to do when I need something to do for whatever the reason might be.

 

That voice screaming relentlessly..."It is time for a change."

 

I found Isagenix, or more aptly it found me.

 

The journey so far is being an exciting one even if it has its highs and lows.  I have a lot of self disciplend at times, at others not so much.  One foot in the world of Isagenix, the other in the world that was and still is.  Another foot is in the business end of Isagenix, a model (network marketing) that is alien to me, one that takes me so out of my personal comfort zone.  Truth be told, I am a very visible loner, preferring the solitude of a walk in the woods with my camera, my feet, mind and heart comfortable in this alone space that lets me think, in a world that lets me observe without having to be a part of it, in a realm where my mind for a bit can be and know quiet.

 

A six legged man, one foot in this world, another foot firmly planted in another as I try to juggle balls hoping none fall from the air...that part of me I keep hidden from the world afraid of what will happen when I do.  Once read somewhere that if you want to be something, pretend you are until you have the skill sets to be what it is that you want to be...sometimes in this journey, feel like I am prentending to be while hoping one day I will be...not sure I have ever been really HEALTHY my whole life, and a lot of the time right now, though I know I am getting healthier do feel that I am pretending to be, and think that reality is why I fear what happens if I fail.

 

The weather outside suits my mood, the wind howling as storm clouds pile in one upon another, as a storm blows in on the horizon, the weather like my life changing fast, me wondering if I am going to be able to keep up, me wondering who this new person emerging from within is going to be.  Sometimes it all seems to much, sometimes fear sees me wanting to fail, wanting to go back to that unsafe safe place where white is white, black is black, and even if it is bad for me, returning to that space of being comfortable because of the familiarity of the world in which I lived, even hid.

 

NOPE...cannot let that happen, best to be the six legged man juggling naked in Times Square, braving the gawkers and the doubters, proving to myself that where I am going to is where I am supposed to be.